The Day I Learned That I Was Pregnant
It was on December 23rd, 2018.
I don't have photos or a video of me telling B. We didn't record my pregnancy reveal to our families. I don't have the pregnancy test, which I thought about keeping for a moment but then disposed of it. I didn't keep the second test either. I just couldn't believe it (in the best way).
It was just before Christmas Eve. At this point, B and I had been married for a little over 3 years. A few weeks prior, B said, "I love you, and I think we are in a really good place in our life to start a family. What do you think?" Of course, I started crying happy tears. Both of us always talked about our future baby. We talked about having a boy named Mason. Whenever we'd walk by a museum, a playground at the park, or an ice cream shop, we'd wonder what Mason would like about these places. I just didn't exactly know when I would truly be ready to start a family. I assumed that the feeling would hit me on my way home from work or perhaps during one of my strolls through the park. But it hadn't. Instead, I would continuously imagine a life with a baby boy named Mason, and I loved daydreaming of him. It wasn't until B asked me what I thought about starting a family; that was the moment that everything hit me - an immediate, yes!
In terms of my menstrual cycle, I had been a week late on occasion (before trying to get pregnant). But this time, I was a couple of weeks late. I was feeling very tired but figured it was normal as I was waiting to get my period. We were also moving to a new apartment, so I was stressed out about that, too. It was Sunday, December 23rd, 2018. B and I were packing up our apartment when I thought to myself- Hmm, still no period. Maybe I'm pregnant? I decided right then that I'd go buy a pregnancy test and that I wasn't going to tell B. Instead, I said to him that I needed some fresh air and wanted to pick up some snacks for us.
When I returned, I immediately went into the bathroom. I locked the door, which I never do because truth be told, I have this awful fear that something will happen to me in the bathroom (I'll slip and hit my head on the sink, or something of the sort), and B will have trouble getting to me. But just this time, I locked the door. Why didn't I want B to know that I was taking a test? I didn't want to get his hopes up. I didn't want to get my hopes up either.
As I sat on the edge of the tub waiting for the stick to let me know if I was pregnant or not, I repeatedly whispered to myself - You're not, you're not, you're not. So that if I wasn't pregnant, I could bury the test and its packaging in the trash and act as if nothing had happened.
B noticed I was in the bathroom for longer than usual. He knocked and tried to open the door, but upon realizing it was locked, he quickly and worriedly started jingling the door and asked if I was alright. I took a deep breath, still sitting on the edge of the tub, and let out a big sigh, plainly responding, "Yeah. I'm just taking a test." To which, B then replied very excitedly, "LET ME IN! LET ME IN!" As I opened the door, I glanced down at the test that read: "Pregnant." We were absolutely ecstatic. Tearing up, giggling, fully embracing, and smiling. I will never forget that moment.
After explaining why I didn't tell him that I was taking a test (to which B had no hard feelings as he is the most understanding human I know), I told B to go out and get another test just for my sanity. I took the test later that afternoon, and yes, it still read, "Pregnant." Then we looked at our half-packed apartment. B said rather sternly, "Do not touch anything. Don't pack anything. Don't pick anything up. Don't strain your body. Just sit on the couch. I'll do everything." And so, I sat for a few minutes. But I was too giddy and had to do something. So I handled all the light-as-a-feather objects. I wrapped the mugs in packing paper and bubble wrap. I folded our sheets and towels. But I didn't bend over to place items into the boxes on the floor or even dare to lift any boxes (as per B). While I'm usually stubborn, I just shrugged my shoulders while in pure bliss. The baby we'd talked about for years was here, well sort of. We made an appointment with an OB-GYN and this fear settled on us that things could head south at any moment. We were both nervous for that first appointment, the one to truly confirm my pregnancy. I cried when the doctor handed us the sonogram photos. We were thrilled and wondered if this could be our baby boy, Mason. And for the remainder of my first trimester, it was our little secret. Well, our's, Harvey's, our immediate families, and a few close friends. It was a really great way to start off 2019.